Two years ago today, I started working for myself full-time.
The day before I started went full-time in my business, I found myself elbow-deep in food debris as I hurriedly washed dishes at my last catering gig. I remember the sudden awareness that I could not longer do things the way that I had done. I was no longer satisfied with the life that I had been living – working my heart out for someone else’s business, building some one else’s dream.
That day I threw my waitressing shoes in the trash can before I hopped in my car and drove away.
It was the bravest act of self-love that I had ever done. It was a line drawn with sharpie.
Live in accordance with my heart and values, no matter what.
It wasn’t about not working for someone else anymore, though it has meant that for me, but, instead, it was about making the extremely difficult and gorgeous choice that I would not put my dreams on the back burner ever again.
Some of the things that we deeply desire are worth the risk.
They are worth moving back in with your parents in order to make it happen or selling your possessions, or accruing even more debt (even though you already owe over 100,000K in student loans).
They are worth realizing that, even though you painstakingly went through the process of following a degree path, you always have the choice to change your mind – completely altering your trajectory.
Because, for me, this life was worth the risk.
A life where I had space to be as creative as possible. A life where I prioritized my own self-care. A life that was stripped bare and where I offered my heart up with as much vulnerability as I could summon.
This was a hard choice.
But instead of decimating me, it inspired me.
Choosing myself inspired me.
Choosing that I was going to go after something with my whole heart – even though I might fail – inspired me.
Choosing to be tireless in pursuit of daily joy inspired me.
These last two years have been the most amazing and difficult years of my life.
I have moved into a relationship with myself that was deeper and more fruitful than I ever imagined possible.
I fully embraced myself as being too much and not enough – for some of the people in my life.
I have moved forward, even when others have told me that I should just go out and get a “real” job.
I have had my own back, no matter what.
I do not believe that we need to do things perfectly. My coaching philosophy falls much more into the camp of doing whatever we need to get through the day.
And today – two years, hundreds of clients, and at least two dozen classes later – I continue to fall deeper in love with this work every day.
I have: asked for help, watched a million hours of TV when my fears overwhelmed me, learned new skills that have helped me harness and utilize my energy, stopped drinking coffee so that I could learn my own natural energy cycles, started drinking coffee again – consciously, and hired my own coaches.
Argued with myself. Celebrated myself. Cried on the bathroom floor. Thought about throwing it all away and starting fresh. Shouted about my excitement from the highest rooftop.
I am not perfect. I am human. There is nothing special about what I have done here.
I am just a person who has put everything on the line in the name of living as honestly as possible.
At the core of all of this transformation has been the question: is it worth the risk?
Is the possibility of it turning out exactly how I want it to worth the risk that it won’t? Is striking out on my own worth the risk that I might fail? Is honoring my own process worth the risk of feeling doing things dramatically different than others in my life?
Is standing in my power and shining my light brightly worth the risk that I might be too much for people?
The answer is a resounding YES.
For me, there was no other way.
For me, hard decisions needed to be made so that I could feel good in my life.
For me, self-employment was the path to freedom.
For me, creativity and honoring my own process was the most important thing in my life.
For me, there was no other way.
I do not believe that everyone needs to work for themselves in order to “feel free” – in fact, don’t think that it’s the right choice for most people. You can seek freedom and work in a 9-5 job. You can seek freedom no matter what your life looks like.
You get to define what success – and freedom – looks like for you.
I believe in making the necessary and hard choices in honor of your quality of life.
I believe in choosing how you want to live and making it a priority.
I believe that we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
I believe that we flourish when we let ourselves out of the little pens that we’ve kept ourselves in, and allow ourselves to experiment joyfully.
I believe in blooming, exactly where we are, by choosing to believe that our dreams an desires are vitally important to our quality of life.
I believe that we can build our capacity for standing at the epicenter of our lives with strength and ease by taking the risks that tantalize us, whispering sweet nothings on the periphery of our consciousness.
I believe in you.
I believe in your ability to transform your life.
I believe that you can have – and deserve – your wildest dreams.
I believe in your strength as you decide for yourself what is worth the risk.
I believe in the exact moment when you draw your own line, deciding that enough is enough, and beginning to live in a way that is aligned with your heart and personal values.
I believe in you, as I have believed in myself these last two years. Tirelessly. Unendingly. Unconditionally.