I haven’t slept well in a week, waking up every morning absolutely drenched in sweat, angry, and frustrated that it is so hot. And each morning when I wake up, I slam about my room, stomping at my displeasure with the current state of affairs – it’s summer, my room gets approximately 0% breeze, and my fan is not getting the job done.
And yet, truly believing that there is no way out of this misery, every night I go to bed, only to repeat the same cycle.
Today was the day that I dragged the AC unit out of the basement, and solved this little melodrama.
Why had I not done this before?
I didn’t believe it would really be helpful. I felt guilty at the prospect of having air conditioning, coming from a family that is staunchly against unnecessary energy usage. I thought I could figure it out – reconfigure the fan, shifting my position, wearing a lighter nightgown.
I didn’t think that a good night’s sleep was worth the potential cost reflected in my energy bill at the end of the month.
I was permitting my own stubbornness and belief in figuring things out or managing my discomfort to impede my ability to reach out and ask for help.
I was forgetting how a poor night’s sleep renders me (almost) entirely useless, and how starting my day off hurtling out of bed grumpy and tired was not in my best service to myself or those around me.
Now, naturally, this “help” was coming my way in the form of an air conditioning unit, but the rationale is the same:
How often do we hold ourselves back from the life that we so desperately want by believing that we ought to suffer or that we ought to be able to figure it out own our own?
I see this same explanation reflected back at me throughout my daily life, those around me ramble on about their discomfort and their desperation for anything to step in and save them from the things causing them so much trouble. And yet? So many of us are afraid of accessing our own wisdom, and investing in the solution to our problems.
It is not about the money.
It may feel like it’s about the money, but really, it’s about overcoming the internal obstacles that we are mired down in and making the choice to make our lives and the qualities of those lives a priority.
Somehow, when we are able to truly dedicate ourselves to something – money shows up and time reveals itself.
It’s like falling in love – when you want to spend absolutely every second of the day and night with someone, talking on end and making out like teenagers. When you’re falling in love, you find all sorts of usable time that you never had access to before, right? You’re staying up later, pushing small and unnecessary tasks to the back burner, and decimating your Facebook time in one fell swoop.
Do you want your story to be one where you overcame all the odds and cultivated the life of your dreams? The story of a person who was so utterly convinced in their deserving of something more, that they went out and claimed it for themselves?
So often we permit our stories to be those wrapped up in the continuation of our deeply entrenched cycles:
Notice a problem. Come up with a solution so grand that we are terrified by the sheer enormity of our dreaming. Believe that we are smart, competent people who have gotten this far without anything dramatically terrible happening. Attack our dreams head-on without enlisting the help of others, or breaking our dreams down in to tiny, manageable and non-threatening steps. Burn out big time. Curse ourselves for our lack of follow-through. Hop right back on to the cycle.
Do yourself a favor, and take a minute to think about what it would feel like to have someone help you out when you are solution-conjuring.
What might it feel like to have someone sit in front of you and say, you are not crazy, but you are allowing this situation to get the best of you.
What might it feel like to have someone nod along while you’re talking, investing their energy fully in your dream life, and when you’re done, tell you: Yes, you deserve that – and so much more.
Investing in yourself, and in your own happiness, is never a waste of time or a waste of money.
Is there a spot in your life that needs a little love? Or perhaps an air-conditioner?
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If the prospect of investing in yourself makes you weak in the knees with excitement, because you just know that there are some things that you’re ready to get to work on – I’ve got six five spots left for coaching clients starting August 1st. Get all the details here. xo
I love this post! Wish there was a “share on twitter” button. Will post this to my followers.
Thanks so much Brittany! I’m glad that you liked it – the share on twitter button is at the bottom, next to the text “Share the love.” If you hit the “tweet” button it will take you to a page to share it with your followers. xo
You know, it makes me feel like more of a human to hear that you, too, resisted the air conditioning. The first year in our apartment, I insisted that we live without it. I thought it was a waste of energy, so we didn’t do it. It was horrible. I couldn’t sleep, and it exacerbated my already severe summer depression. So the next year, I decided to spend the money (and “waste” the energy) to give myself good sleep and less anguish in the summer.
My viewpoint now is: this is what I need to be functional. And me being functional is more important than wasted energy or money. I still feel little pangs of guilt every once in a while when I turn on the AC when it isn’t scalding hot. But I get over it and on with being nice to myself.
Haha, just today I set up my A/c unit! How glorious it feels to say to myself “you are worth so much more than being covered in sweat day in and say out. Now I just need to be able to bring that into other parts of my life. 🙂