When To Throw Your Life Rules Out The Window

I am not a product of my circumstances.

I am a product of my decisions. {Stephen Covey}

This is a post for the moment when you look around your life, really examining each piece in the complex fabric that surrounds you, and can’t see your gorgeous spirit reflected back at you, no matter where you look.

…and your job feels like a place where you have to pretend to be someone else to keep everyone from catching on to your deep suspicion that you aren’t good enough to be there. Or, covering up that you’re too good to be there.

…and your relationships feel like a place where you have to test the waters, reaching out to assess the vibe of a room before you enter it and immediately transforming yourself to suit those around you.

…and your home is buried deep beneath six layers of grime or clutter or things that you feel like you can’t even deal with.

…and your body feels like a stranger that you drag around all day long.

…and your only mode of getting things done is berating yourself into action.

…but, even as you start on your to do list, all of your actions have that twinge ofwhat am I doing this for?

When you are living your life by someone else’s rules, you can feel like a stranger to yourself. You don’t understand your purpose, that divine knowing of what you were put here for. And, all of your actions and steps forward feel planned, as you march yourself down the expected path set out before you.

And, having been there myself, I know how painful it can be to live that way. In my bones, I remember the deep restlessness of walking around a life that’s become too small, a life that is no longer aligned with my heart’s desire.

I know what it’s like to sit exactly in the moment of realizing that you have to seriously recalibrate the rules that dictate the trajectory of your life. This is a post for that moment, for the uncomfortable knowing that you are ready for something bigger on a truly massive level.

Choice + Rewriting Your Rules

Oftentimes as we are growing up, we accumulate a lot of rules for living, putting things into place in a neat and tidy framework for living a “good” life and never questioning them again. Then, we set ourselves about that path… taking one step and then another, without ever truly asking ourselves the (all important) question: What do I want to do next?

We are moving through our lives as if they are already written, as if we don’t hold all of the power to change our minds or switch directions in our trembling hands.

I’m a recovering rule-follower and a burgeoning rule-breaker and this week, I’ve been thinking a lot about how we take action in a way that is really good for us and move forward in our lives while honoring our own unique spirit.

I want to tell you this: You have more power than you think.

Your life in this moment is a product of the decisions that you’ve made. And if you are sitting there reading this email right now, thinking to yourself: “But, Mara, I don’t feel empowered to make any decisions. I have to… I should….” I want to stop you right there.

You are stronger + more powerful than you might believe.

You are strong enough to examine the rules that you’ve written for yourself and begin renegotiating them on your own terms.

There is no too late or too old here.

There is only you here – your dreams, your desires, and your secret yearning for a life built upon love for yourself and grounded deeply in your own beliefs and values.

You don’t have to spiral into panic about fundamentally renovating the entire content of your life in this moment. You can choose to say to yourself, just for today I will stay with myself by making choices and decisions that honor my spirit and light me up at the core.

You can choose to pare way down to the next decision that you need to make, both big and small.

Ask yourself…

Am I going to have sugar in my coffee this morning?

How might I say goodbye to my partner in a way that keeps me smiling all day long?

What do I really want to wear to work? Which underwear would be the most comfortable today?

What is the next step that I desire to take in my career?

What do I want to do next? What answer is in my heart?

And… what rules do I have to chuck out the window in order to make space for the life I desire?

I know this is a big conversation, but you’ve got this. I have so much faith in you. And, if you need a little help, send me an email.