A Circle That Can Hold Anything

A sacred, creative circle of women can hold anything and everything. {Chris Zydel, Creative Juices Arts}

When I came across this statement on Facebook this morning, I paused for just a moment before continuing to sauté the vegetables for my frittata. I remembered it when I picked up my coffee moments later. By the time I sat down to write, it was welling up in my throat, tearing it’s way through my body as my eyes filled with tears.

A sacred, creative circle of women. 

Moments later, I heard all of the voices of my clients over the last two years.

I’ve never had a friend that I could trust. 

I’ve never been the kind of woman that other women invite to baby showers or bachelorette parties. 

I’ve been hurt in every female friendship that I’ve ever had. 

I’m afraid to share my truths – afraid that it will scare my friends away, afraid that it will inspire jealousy, afraid that I’m too need. 

I am secretly terrified that I will always be all alone. 

And my own truths, powerfully coursing through me, tingling in my extremities.

The moments when I was told in no uncertain terms that it was not safe to shine – that I shouldn’t ever allow myself to feel comfortable relaxing into a friendship. That I would always be alone. 

I didn’t allow myself to deepen into female friendships for a long time.

I would laugh. I had acquaintances. Everyone was polite. But, I didn’t share my truth, my wild enthusiasm for the things I was creating.

I said yes. I was helpful. I made myself small, palatable.

But, in my heart I was yearning for friendships where I could show up exactly as I was – and know that I could be held there. That I could be just as bright and sparkly and open-hearted as I am in my true nature, and those parts of me would be celebrated and cradled with care. That I could sob, face against the floor, in the middle of the night and you wouldn’t be inconvenienced by my sadness.

That I could be a human being in your presence. 

But even as I prayed for these friendships and they started showing up at my door, this answered prayer was challenging too.

It is challenging to have women in your life that allow you space to show up, because, then, you are called to show up. 

All at once, those old stories would surge and I was simultaneously myself in the moment and the sixth grade version of myself that was brutally bullied on the playground by the same girls that were my BFFs just two days prior.

And the girl who didn’t get invited to any of the cool parties.

And the girl who hid her sexuality for fear of becoming an outcast (again).

And the girl who was really fucking smart – so smart she was torn down daily.

And the woman who could barely stand to be seen in her fullness, in her own wild truth.

And the wife who realizes that she longs for the kind of friendships that she had when she was single.

And the little girl with her hand stretched out on the playground.

You can be overwhelmed and afraid of all your parts or your can call them forth, one at a time, for the healing of love an acceptance.

You can call those parts of yourself forward to be told: No, sweetheart, there was nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful. You are whole. You are loved. You are enough, exactly as you are. Keep being yourself. Someday, you will be loved for exactly who you are. 

You can long for friendships – and be afraid of them.

You can allow the fear to tether you to a place of hiding out, making yourself small, or you can take the risk of standing in your truth.

You can be brave enough to know that not everyone is going to like you, but some people are and it’s going to feel really good.

You can know that if you standing in your truth makes someone else feel jealous, it has nothing to do with you.

You can expand and soften into your friendships, even when you feel all of our old stories surge up to meet you. 

I believe that female friendships and communities of women are necessary to our growth as women.

Communities of women who support one another instead of tearing one another down.

Gatherings of women of all ages, entering into conversation with one another with respect and delight in knowing that each and every one of us has something important to contribute.

Women standing in truth and sharing their wisdom.

Women gathering in solidarity, as they have for centuries.

A sacred, creative circle that can hold anything – including you, exactly as you are. 




In Full Bloom

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